The dainty circus rider
Is a perfect human spider,
With eyes so blue. She dyed 'er
          Hair a golden hue.
She kicks one leg a-dangle
At the forty-seventh angle,
But she never lost a spangle,
          That's quite true.

Her first name is Maria,
Her eyes are full of fire,
She is a dandy liar,
          Th' darling little clam!
So very jolly that she
Will smile beneath her hat. She
Will kick you in the prat. She
          Never gives a damn.

The paint is getting thicker
Upon her face. Quick, quicker,
Look—what a dandy kicker,
          Enough to make yer screech!
Her eye—see how it flashes—
The gallery she mashes,
As round the ring she dashes,
          Now isn't she a peach!

She rides without a saddle.
She never goes astraddle,
One perfect ducky daddle.
          She'd make a lovely wife.
She is so deuced clever
I'll worship her forever,
Just think of it, she never
          Lost a spangle in her life.

She says she'll be my ducky,
They tell me I am lucky,
I feel so very plucky,
          I'll make her name the day.
When, biff—a clap of thunder,
My brain is torn asunder.
Too late I see my blunder,
          Oh, hear the donkey bray.

I am the donkey. Please you,
Take off yer shirt, 'twill ease you
Tho the denouement freeze you.
          I'll have to yank the trigger.
Whilst at my ease I tarried,
My dear Maria parried—
She ran away and married
The tesselated nigger.

Maria's yanked away by,
Completely led astray by
The guy who rakes his pay by
          The very useful moon.
Maria jabs the rigger,
While bracing up her figger.
She loves the painted nigger,
          The tesselated coon.

Foxy Maria so spunky
Gobbled the Hottentot flunky
So punky, half man, half monkey,
          What a queer triangle!
Maria unhinging the socket
Flung out the string like a rocket,
Landing her fish in the pocket
          An' never lost a spangle.

Hark—hear the whirlwind crashing.
Mark—see the lightning flashing.
The center-pole is dashing.
          And smashing to the tune
Called "Pull the Devil's Trigger."
Look—What a funny figger,
It is the painted nigger,
          The tesselated coon.

Maria also gets it
In th' neck. Th' doctor sets it.
She smokes her cigarettes. It
          Is no use. The time
Has come to go to Hades,
The final home of ladies
Like sweet Maria Quadies.
          This is the end of crime.

Maria went to Heaven?
At a quarter of eleven.
It is six and it is seven.
          The devil casts the die.
My darling smirks and guggles,"
She muggles flaming juggles.
All hopelessly she struggles
          In Hades where they fry.

Her hair is curled with crimples,
Both cheeks are wreathed with dimples,
Her nose is full of pimples,
          But please don't cry.
Maria's legs now dangle
At th' forty-seventh angle.
She will never need a spangle
          In the sweet bye and bye.

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