MacGregor Jay MacDougel
Had a pimple on his bugle
And a ringworm up his cauliflower ear.
MacGregor was a horse thief.
Bold, daring, yes, a fierce chief
And they hanged him on an apple tree last year.

They made him bite a double slice,
          Great Scott
Oh yes, he paid the proper price.
          Why not?

He long had been a terror
To th' neighbourhood. An error
Seemed to magnify his qualities. The key
At last unlocked the socket
Of th' problem, bumped the locket.
So they hanged him on a sour apple tree.

They hanged him like some nasty bird,
          Foul goose;
The ringworm in his ear demurred,
          Got loose.

On the outskirts of Rome City,
Indiana, a committee
Decided that the village must be free.
They got the horse thief's goat slick,
Placed a noose about his throat quick,
And hanged him on a sour apple tree.

The pimple faded, vanished, yea,
          Vamoosed.
He kicked (just once) then passed away,
          Unloosed.

MacGregor faced the halter,
His courage did not falter.
MacGregor was a game guy, you can see.
His medicine he gulped down,
His gall was roughly pulped brown.
They hanged him on a sour apple tree.

MacGregor chokes, he gets his due
          Yes, heaps.
His cauliflower ear turns blue
          For keeps.

They buried him with 'taps.'
He's in Heaven now. (Perhaps?)
A shaft of marble rears its mighty head.
The bones beneath the ground
Await the trumpet sound,
"Arise, and come to judgment, oh ye dead."

Meanwhile the pimple and the ear,
          How queer,
Both vanish; now don't waste a tear,
          My dear.

If MacGregor is in bliss
He is finished quite with this
World, always will be happy, no veneer.
His pimple will have vanished,
His evil genius banished,
As also will his cauliflower ear.

But if he died beneath the ban,
          All muck,
Eternity's great frying pan,
          Worse luck,
Grabs tight his soul within its trap,
          Black sty,
And crowns him with a brimstone cap.
          Good bye.

EPITAPH

Impartiality sieves sin,
And if the scale shows scanty weight,
The village where Old Scratch lives in
Is sure to claim its precious freight.

Prev Next