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Eliza's Self-Help

Eliza's Self-Help - SECT. II.

SECT. II.


The unparalleled weakness of a Husband who, to the prejudice, perhaps ruin, of his Wife and Family, suffers himself to be imposed upon by those pretended Connoisseurs in Arts and Sciences who dignify themselves by the title of Virtuosi.


            How greatly are mankind deceived by appearances! When we see a man live in perfect concord with his wife, that they have everything about them befitting the rank they hold in life, and are guilty of nothing which can call either of their characters in question, we presently pronounce them a very happy couple; but, alas! how sad a mistake does this often prove in the end?It is not sufficient that a man is endowed by nature with no ill propensities, nor has imbibed them either from example or education;—that he runs into no excesses, either as to wine, women, or gaming;—he may be a well-conditioned, a virtuous, and a good man, and yet be a very bad husband. As much a paradox as this may seem, it will be easily reconciled, on our giving ourselves the trouble of considering that there are some sort of follies which, if indulged, are no less pernicious to the interest of a family than the worst of vices.

            Among the many and various inventions by which the thoughtless and undesigning part of mankind too often suffer themselves to be imposed upon by the more subtle and crafty, I know of none which, without appearing to be so, are of more ruinous consequences to families than those daily put in practice by a set of men, who, by the help of a few cant words, pass for connoisseurs in painting, sculpture, drawings, shells; and, in fine, in every curiosity both of art and nature.

            These pretended virtuosi force themselves into all the companies they can, sound the inclinations of everyone they enter into conversation with, and when they find a gentleman discovers a taste for any particular art or science, are never unprepared with a snare to draw him in. As for example:

            If they find he is an admirer of pictures, they presently invite him to see a curious collection in the hands of some friend of theirs; he rejoices at the opportunity of feasting his eyes, and goes with them; there they meet, as if by accident, with someone of their own tribe, who tells them that several excellent pieces, all originals, are just imported from Italy, and that he can procure them a sight of them; the gentleman is again made one of the party, and thus they hurry him from one picture-broker's to another, till they have got into his confidence, and fully established him in that goût to which he had a natural tendency, they carry him to an auction, where being themselves the principal proprietors, they have their puffers to bid high, and by this means the unwary gentleman is frequently drawn in to give, for what perhaps is not worth twenty shillings, double the number of pounds.

            If he delights in medals and antique coins, they can produce him pieces struck several hundred years before the birth of our blessed Saviour. If in drawings or sketches in crayons, they produce the figure of Deianira in her distraction, after having made her husband wear the envenomed shirt given her by the centaur; old Priam's palace before the sack of Troy; and a thousand such like things, all said to be the work of Titian's own hand. In a word, they can flatter his imagination with whatever it is set upon, provided they find his purse as open to their demands as his ears are to their impositions.

            I have been credibly informed that a gentleman of no very large estate, but extremely fond of the marvellous, gave five hundred guineas for a feather, which some of these Virtuosi assured him had been dropped from the pinion of a Phoenix, as the bird of Paradise was taking her last flight to her aromatic nest.

            Strange, and almost incredible, are the effects of this unhappy infatuation. I once knew a person, who having no other fortune than what arose from a pretty lucrative employment he held under the government, laid out all the money he could save from the necessary expenses of life in copper medals, and pieces of old coin, which he was made to believe were half as ancient as the creation, and had been found in digging up the foundation of some ruined castle, or the draining marshy grounds, and such like tales. His wife beheld these purchases with the utmost regret, and often remonstrated to him the folly of wasting his substance in such baubles; but he always answered in these terms: "You are a fool, these noble remains of antiquity will not only do me honour while I live, but also be a better provision for my family after my death than any I could otherwise have made." The poor woman, however, proved the truest prophet; for on his decease these boasted curiosities being exhibited to sale were found of little more value than their weight, and three fine daughters, whom this deluded man had left behind him, instead of having the portions they expected, were all reduced to go to service.

            One great misfortune of this propensity, and which often occasions the ill consequences attending it, is, that those people who are beguiled by it, imagine that while they are indulging their own inclinations, they are at the same time enriching themselves, and doing good to their posterity; such a dust does it cast upon the eyes of reason that they can see nothing but through the false optics of prejudiced opinion. I am apt to think that the humorous poet had this very deception in view when he wrote these lines:

Doubtless the pleasure is as great,
Of being cheated, as to cheat;
As lookers-on feel most delight,
That least perceive a juggler's sleight;
And still the less they understand,
The more they admire the sleight of hand.

            I must acknowledge, that in the whole course of my observations I have not met with many things which afford me more matter for astonishment then to see men of the best understanding and shrewd judgment in other affairs, blindly give up their reason, and suffer themselves to be imposed upon in the most gross manner by these rarity-mongers and dealers in pictures.

            A certain late great person, who was allowed to penetrate as deep into mankind as anyone who is no more than man himself can do, became so much the dupe of this species of knavery, that he laid out several thousand pounds on pieces which passed upon him for the most choice works of Titian and Raphael; but when afterwards examined by some who had either more skill or less interest to deceive him, were found to be bad copies of very indifferent originals; and, in fine, of no real value.

            Painting is undoubtedly a very noble science, yet I can never be brought to believe that any picture, though it were even really drawn by the pencil of Apelles himself, can be intrinsically worth half those sums which, to my knowledge, have frequently been paid for the daubings of a certain dabbler in the art, who, by exposing his pieces for some time in the sun and wind, and rubbing the back side of the canvas with a pumice stone till it is almost as thin as a leaf, has given them the air of antiquity.

            I should, however, rather laugh than be angry at these deceptions, if they were put in practice only on those who, among the rich and great, as some such I fear there are, have no bowels of commiseration for the distresses of their fellow creatures; or on misers, whose hoarded money, which might otherwise lie rusting in their bags, would by this means be brought to circulate: but when men of small fortunes and large families are thus drawn in, I cannot help thinking but that the persons guilty of such frauds are worse than common robbers, and deserve at least an equal punishment.

            But as I cannot be vain enough to imagine that anything I am able to say will put a stop to artifices by which such numbers of men, too proud to beg and too lazy to work, are indebted for their sustenance, I shall add no more on the subject of their behaviour; nor should have entered on the particulars I have done, but in the view of warning those who may now be on the point of being seduced, to turn their backs in time, and shun the fatal infatuation.

            These admonitions could not, I think, be presented to the public at a more seasonable time than this, as the wonders said to be found in the new-discovered subterranean city of Herculaneum, and some other places lately mentioned by our news-writers, will undoubtedly furnish fresh temptations for the unwary and over-curious.

            I heartily wish that we do not shortly hear that the thumb of an Alcides in Parian marble, pretended to be procured with great expense and infinite application, does not become the purchase for someone or other, whose money might be laid out to much better purposes. Persons of this unhappy turn of mind have not the power to stop in their career; they cannot hear of a thing which has any appearance of the marvellous, without being impatient to become masters of it; and, if their fortunes would permit, would not be satisfied till they had as many rarities in their possession as Mr. Lascelles and some other authors report are in the Grand Duke of Tuscany's repository at Florence.

            I think that among all those commodities which are called curiosities, there are none which more deservedly bear that name, and by which the purchaser is the least liable to be imposed upon, as shells, it being impossible to counterfeit those admirable productions of nature; some of these are extremely beautiful, and while they delight the eye, afford the finest matter for contemplation, and it must be confessed, are very proper ornaments for the cabinets of the great.

            It is, however, the rich and opulent whom I would wish to see make bargains of this kind, persons who may expect their posterity will retain these reliques in their families; but as for those of moderate fortunes, whose wives and children must, in all probability, after their decease, be reduced to dispose of them, it is certainly the highest madness in them to lay out their money in things which, being of no other intrinsic value than what is given them by the fancy of the purchaser, will turn to very little account.

            I am very sorry to observe there is so small a share of good-nature, compassion, or generosity at present in the world, that few people, when they find anything is exposed to sale through the necessities of the owner, will not bid the twentieth part of the price which perhaps they would readily enough give the whole of, were it in the hands of a common broker.

            A wife therefore cannot, without the extremest regret, behold her husband lavish away his substance in toys which she knows must, some time or other, be parted with to very great loss; and this reflection will be apt to make her burst into violent passions, or throw her into a gloomy discontent, either of which will infallibly render her incapable of discharging any of the duties of her station as otherwise she would do; all things will go wrong in the house, and her husband in consequence be made very uneasy.

            Much more might doubtless be said on so copious a subject, and will probably be expected from me; but this little treatise affords not room to dwell too long upon particulars, and I flatter myself that the few hints I have given will be sufficient remonstrances to those whom it most concerns, to be attentive to them.

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