Though natural affection to kindred, and even the due reverence and obedience to parents, be pretty much out of doors in these latter ages of the world, yet I have observed that those who think most lightly of their duties in this point are very well pleased to find their families treated with respect by others. They look upon it as a kind of veneration paid to themselves; and therefore, if for no other reason, never fail of being highly obliged by it.

            A husband can seldom find a greater opportunity of endearing himself to his wife, than by treating her kindred with tenderness and respect, so I would not have him by any means neglect it; nor should he, in his devoirs to them, seem to have any view either to his own interest or their particular merit; but show he thinks it sufficient that they belong to her to engage his friendship and esteem; and if she should happen to be at variance with any of them, to make use of his utmost efforts to bring about a reconciliation.

            I am the more strenuous in recommending this point to every married man, as it has fallen in my way to be an eye-witness of the good effects it is capable of producing.

            A young lady, while under guardianship, had been persuaded to commence a process against a near kinsman, on account of an uncle's effects who had died intestate; the affair not being decided when she married, must now be carried on in her husband's name; but that gentleman was no sooner told of it, than he absolutely refused giving any orders to that end; and turning to his wife surprised her with the reason he gave for having taken this resolution:

            "My dear," said he, taking hold of one of her hands, and looking tenderly upon her, "How justifiable soever your claim may be, I cannot forget that the person against whom you expect I should appear as plaintiff is your father's brother's son, a person whose veins run with the same blood as yours, every drop of which is too precious to me ever to offend; no, let this cursed cause drop, and all matter of contention cease."

            It is impossible to express the astonishment into which these words threw everyone that heard them, among whom was myself and the lawyer who had been entrusted with the management of the suit; no one being able to make any immediate reply, the husband went on in this manner:

            "Sir," continued he, addressing himself to the lawyer, "I desire you will put an immediate stop to all proceedings in this cause, I will see the gentleman myself, discourse with him on the matter in dispute, and if I cannot bring him to any reasonable agreement, at least convince him that the man who is in possession of his lovely kinswoman wants no other treasure, nor can be at enmity with any of her family."

            I will not trouble my reader with the repetition of what conversation ensued after he had declared himself in this manner: I shall only say that his wife, though she a little opposed the giving up what she had been made to believe was her undoubted right, could discover both in her looks and voice, that her heart was transported with receiving so uncommon a proof of her husband's affection for her in the complaisance he showed her family.

            My friend delayed no longer than the next day to do as he had said. He requested a meeting with his wife's kinsman, which being readily granted, after such previous salutations as might be expected between gentlemen of a polite education, he told him, that he had an utter aversion to all contests between persons so nearly allied; that he had ordered no further proceedings should be carried on in his part, desiring only that a jewel, or rather a knot of jewels, which had long been in the family, should be yielded to his wife; concluding this proposal with saying, "I believe, sir, you will allow that no bosom in the world will more become this ornament than that of your fair kinswoman."

            This offer both surprised and charmed the person to whom it was made. Whether he doubted the justice of his cause or not, I will not take upon me to determine, but have heard him since confess he had little peace of mind during the time it had been carrying on, and was continually reflecting on the uncertainty of a law decision, according to the humorous poet:

For lawyers, lest bear defendant,
And plaintiff dogs should make an end on't,
Do slave, and toil, with writs of error,
Reverse of judgment, and demurrer,
To let 'em breathe a while, and then
Cry whoop, and set 'em on again,
Until with subtle cobweb cheats,
They're catched in knotted law, like nets;
In which when once they are imbrangled,
The more they stir, the more they're tangled;
And while their purses can dispute,
There's no end of th'immortal suit.

            In fine, the kinsman was quite in raptures on the making up an affair which had given him much disquiet; he not only surrendered the jewel demanded, but also, not to be behindhand with his new relation in generosity, gave up many other things of very great value, perhaps as much as my friend would have gained had the suit been continued and a judgment given in his favour; so exorbitant are the costs of law, that, as Mr. Dryden truly says,

Truths are so traversed, and so little won,
That he who conquers, is but last undone.

            By this action he not only became so much endeared to his wife that she almost adored him, but was ever after looked upon, by all her kindred, as a prodigy of love and generosity, two things which very well compensated for any loss he might have sustained by refusing to continue the prosecution against her cousin.

            Every husband has not, indeed, the same opportunity this gentleman had of showing, in so extraordinary a manner, his tenderness for his wife in the complaisance he paid to her kindred; yet all may do it in a more or less degree, and I cannot but look on any man who omits it, as ignorant of a very great essential to his own happiness.

            I think I may venture to set it down as an unfailing maxim, that nothing more contributes to render the marriage state truly amicable, than for both parties to treat the families of each other with more respect than they do their own. The behaviour of the husband will go a great way in setting an example to his wife in this point, and when they mutually concur in it, the two families will be cemented in such a bond of unity and friendship as to seem but one.

            I know very well that some objections will be started, which, at first sight, may seem to take off the weight of these admonitions: it may be said, and with good reason too, that there are people who have not gratitude to return any obligation conferred upon them, or even to think anything is so; and in such a case, a man in soliciting their good graces would only have the mortification to find his complaisance rejected.

            It may also be alleged, that if in the incident I have been relating, the wife's kinsman had proved refractory, and affected to think he had put a stop to the process only because he feared the issue of a trial, the other could have reaped no advantage by his generosity, but on the contrary, it is probable, been treated with contempt.

            But whoever shall pretend to argue in this manner must not have well considered the drift of my intention in giving this advice, as I can easily make appear. The untoward disposition of the kinsman could not have deprived the husband of any part of that advantage, which was the main point he had in view, that of endearing himself to the affection of the woman to whom he was for life united, and this he would as effectually have done by having made such an offer, as by its being accepted.

            It is certain, however, that by using his endeavours to obtain the good-will of his wife's kindred, it is impossible for him ever to be a loser, and may, in the end, become a very great gainer. I cannot be so uncharitable as not to hope and believe, that there are but few people of such harsh and rugged natures as not to be softened and won over by repeated acts of tenderness; and I am very sure, that those of a more gentle kind will always take care to repay double-fold whatever obligations they receive.

            And here I cannot omit giving one example of the latter sort, which I doubt not but will be as agreeable to my readers as it was to myself, on being first made acquainted with it, and therefore will not be looked upon as superfluous.

            A gentleman of very great worth and a competent estate, being married to a young lady whom he had long courted and most passionately loved, wisely judged that he could not take a more effectual method of convincing her of the continuance of his affection, nor of securing an adequate return from her, than by behaving with the utmost regard to all those who were any way related to her.

            Her mother, above all, he was most particularly assiduous to oblige. She was a widow lady, and living in a pretty remote county, he very frequently addressed himself to her in letters full of submission and respect, nor seldom failed to accompany those testimonies of his love and duty with some little present or other; such as fine teas, hampers of rich wines, and such-like things, which he knew she could not be accommodated with in such perfection in the place where she resided.

            On hearing she intended to make him a visit at London, and to stay some weeks there, he ordered the best apartment in his house to be fitted up with the utmost elegance for her reception; rode upwards of thirty miles to meet her on the road; and, in fine, omitted nothing that she might have expected from him if he had been her own son and an entire dependant on her.

            The next morning after her arrival he put into her hands a small piece of paper, saying to her at the same time, "I beg, madam, you will accept this little tribute of my love and duty, though without any other merit than as it flows from the abundance of the heart."

            "I can answer for that," subjoined his wife, laughing, "for I assure you, madam, he started out of bed this morning much sooner than is his usual custom, and said to me, 'Oh, Maria, how happy does your mother's presence make us!' then sat down to his bureau and wrote what you will find in the paper he has given you."

            The old lady made no reply, but hastily unfolded the paper, which contained these lines:

To the Honourable Mrs. ****.
From her most dutiful and truly affectionate son.

Welcome!—thrice welcome!—best of womankind!
Source of my joys!—blessed parent of my love;
Dearer than her from whom I first drew breath,
She but fulfilled the task which nature set,
And gave me to the world:—you have done more!
Have given Maria to my longing arms,
And made that world a paradise of bliss!
Which else had been a scene of dreary cares,
Without one quickening charm to brighten life.
Once more, most welcome to my house and heart,
Long may your presence grace my grateful board,
And do, what nothing but yourself can do,
Add still to mine, and your Maria's joys.

            The good lady was quite charmed with every word she read; and these verses, which perhaps cost him not five minutes in the composing, gained him five hundred pounds; for before she went out of town she sent for a lawyer and made a deed of gift to him of that sum on the birth of the child her daughter was then pregnant with.

            It would be easy for me to bring many instances of this kind, which have come within the compass of my own knowledge and observation; but the advantages which a husband must naturally find in rendering himself well in the love and esteem of a family into which he is initiated, and made as it were a part, are too numerous and too obvious to everyone's capacity to stand in need of any explanation or argument to prove: if there were, however, no other than the one which this treatise is chiefly intended to promote, that of endearing himself to the affection of his wife, no man, I think, who reflects seriously on the state in which he is engaged, will despise as beneath his attention, the measures I recommend for the accomplishment of a work so material to his happiness.

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