The Magdalen by William Dodd (1780)
Magdalen Hospital, 1763.
My last letter, my dear Madam, brought my unfortunate life down to that period of it, where the wretched females of the infernal house I was in, had wreaked their vengeance on me, by the vilest and most opprobrious language, and by blows which finally bereaved me of my senses, and I fell motionless to the ground: but as murder was a crime which they were fearful of committing in this infamous house, they were alarmed least they had killed me, and: fearing the consequences of their rage, put me to bed, and took all possible care to bring me to myself.
As soon as they had done so, I found my person was one general bruise, I was so sore I knew not how to lie or move, but my greatest pain was in my eye, near which the last blow was given: it was soon so swelled up I could not see, and as defacing me, did not at all answer these wretches' purposes, they omitted no care to remedy the ill they had done, plastering me up in the manner, they thought most likely to hasten my recovery.
I was in hopes they had put out my eye, shocking as the thought was, it appeared in a desirable light to me, as I might reasonably expect from it a total dismission from that house, where I could be of no value when so disfigured. I had suffered too much by my beauty to be anxious for the preservation of it, and one eye might guide me to a more comfortable livelihood than I was likely to gain in the house where I then was.
These thoughts made me take off the things they applied to my eye, whenever I was alone, if possible to prevent my cure, but in spite of my endeavours, the swelling abated, and I found my sight had received no hurt, but the blood settling round it, I had such a black eye, as rendered me too rueful a spectacle to be produced.
This accident obliged me to be concealed above a month, for it was thought imprudent to show me, till I was in full beauty.
This delay was precious, and I would have endured another beating for the like benefit; but they had suffered too severely already for this exertion of their power, therefore they resolved upon a method less detrimental to my person
As soon as I was thought to look tolerably well, the infernal woman told me that all my resistance would be in vain, that my ingratitude had quite disgusted her, and that she was resolved no longer to show me any indulgence; but would expose me to the addresses of people too low and brutal, to regard my tears, till I was broke of my niceness, and would send my child to the officers of the parish, to which it belonged, for she would no longer gratify me with its company, when I showed so little consideration for her.
These menaces were dreadful indeed, and to talk of exposing my little darling to the cruelty of parish officers and nurses, was too much to bear; enraged at such a monster, I replied the law would grant me some redress, against such inhumanity.
"The law, thou idiot," answered she, "dost thou take lawyers for knight errants, who have nothing to do but deliver distressed damsels; know that money only can obtain justice; those who cannot buy, must go without it: the redress of the law is out of the reach of poverty, content yourself, there is no law for you. But I shall not give myself the trouble; of saying any more to you, I give you till to-morrow to choose, either determine to conquer your squeamishness or I must send your brat away, and deliver you up to the first man who will disregard all your tears and entreaties, your will shall make no other difference in the case than in the degree of your lovers, and your brat's fate.
With these words she left me to consider the alternative; the dear babe understood something of being sent from me, and running to me, hung round my neck crying he would not go away without me, and begged me not to let that woman take him.
Alas, dear innocent! I did not mean it, I could much sooner have parted with my life. The wretch had now found the mean of subduing my resolution; delicacy, for by that name, not by the sacred one of virtue, I must call my resistance, after a conduct so criminal as mine; delicacy I say gave way to maternal love, nor could the latter boast any great triumph, for I had no prospect of gaining any advantage by my farther perseverance, on the contrary, I was only like to be exposed to the greater insults.
This declaration of my resolution was received the next day with great satisfaction, I was flattered and caressed, and my child fondled, but I could not be sensible to kind treatment so obtained.
In this detestable house I had remained about a month after this, when the old woman was taken ill of a violent fever, occasioned by having eat and drank immoderately, for some nights successively: this illness put a stop to her trade, and three days carried her into a world, where one cannot think of her without horror. As soon as she was dead, a relation came to look into her effects, who had been ashamed to own any connection with her infamy, but at her death, was willing to receive the profits arising from her crimes.
By this accident we were all set at liberty; what became of the rest I know not, I was too glad to get clear of them all, to make any enquiries, but for my own part, my joy at this release was beyond expression.
The best clothes that were worn by us were sold; but those of less value were given amongst us; and the notes of hand, and such other obligations as had been used as means of getting us into her power, were cancelled; the purpose of them being too well known to her relation.
I was quite destitute of money, for as our pockets were searched every morning, what presents any gentleman made us, were sure to be taken away; therefore I sold the best gown that had fallen to my share, in order to support me, till I had found some other means of gaining a subsistence.
Sensible that I should find great difficulty in maintaining myself and child, I took the cheapest lodging I could find, only mending it by cleanliness. I then inquired for plain work, but received everywhere for answer that they should not trust their things to a stranger; they were acquainted with people enough who wanted such employment; they need not give it to a person they knew nothing of.
This was a melancholy answer; and I now thought I would try to get a place; but when I offered myself, one said I was too handsome; another said that I appeared too genteel for such a place as I offered for, (not daring to attempt any high one, as having no hopes to get it,) and there must be something very bad in my conduct, or I could not be reduced to such low services, Those who were not deterred by my appearance, asked what recommendation I had? or who would give me a character? In this manner I was repulsed from every door, and found that one who can do no work, but what great numbers of others do as well, maybe reduced to want of employment. I now wished I had learnt of my sister, a variety of works, some of which might have afforded me a support; people being less cautious with those they employ for things which they cannot easily get done elsewhere. Those wishes were however vain. Oh! my dear madam, think what must have been the situation of mind, of an unfortunate young person, willing to earn a livelihood by the most humiliating employ, and yet from one false, one imprudent step, brought to a situation that no one would even condescend to give a civil answer to, much less take her into their houses, in any sort of employment. What blessings therefore (if not in this life,) must hereafter be in store, for persons of such enlarged minds, who, contrary to the general practice of the world, has the generosity of sentiment, to rescue a helpless, and unfortunate female, forsaken of all the world besides, and in the end, placing her in an eligible situation of life; such as you madam, and such as you only who are in the daily practice of this virtue, can feel: may heaven ever watch over such exalted goodness, is the constant prayer of Madam,
Your faithful humble servant.
M. S.