The Magdalen by William Dodd (1780)
Magdalen Hospital, 1763.
Circumstanced as I described myself in my last letter, my dear madam, I was all gratitude; a thousand blessings and a thousand thanks I gave the person who thus interfered; but the men were not so ready to accept her offer, they said they must first inquire into her character and substance, and know whether or not, she was sufficiently responsible.
"If you have any doubts of that kind," said she, "let the goods be appraised directly, the day is long enough for settling the whole affair." This proposal was agreed to; my landlord was sent for, my stock in trade was valued by the bills of parcels to which I had receipts, and appraisers determined the value of the furniture. My benefactress had left me before my landlord came, and as evening drew on I grew under apprehensions, lest prudence should get the better of charity, and prevent her return, but before the whole was entirely settled, she came, the balance was drawn, and I remained debtor, but about twenty pounds: she paid the money, and said she should require no consideration of me, but a note of hand, in case I should ever be able to pay her, and as I was at a loss where to go that night, offered to take me home in the coach with her.
This additional kindness charmed me, my heart was inexpressibly relieved by such generosity; for the present, I forgot the destitute condition I was in; I was delivered from immediate distress; and Mr Markland's baseness had relieved my heart from the tenderness, which till then oppressed it; so that I think entirely penniless as I was, these were much the happiest hours I had enjoyed from the time Ms. Markland's affections began visibly to decline.
My benefactress took me and my little boy into the coach, and we soon arrived at her house, she told me that as my spirits had undergone a great deal of fatigue, and she was to have some company that evening, it might, perhaps, be more agreeable to me to retire to my own room, to which she led me, and ordered a servant to see that I had everything I wanted, and then taking her leave of me wished me a good night, saying, she feared she should not be able to get to me again that evening; I repeated all the acknowledgments that gratitude could suggest, and wished her a rest, equally refreshing, to the infinite relief she had given to my despairing mind.
When I was left alone, and began to reflect on the various events of that day, it seemed a general scene of confusion, that had passed in such quick succession that the recollection made me giddy.
The variety of thoughts which all these things suggested to my mind, would have engrossed my attention a long time, had not my little boy interrupted me; the bustle of the day had wearied him, I put him to bed, and that being done, I began to observe the furniture of the room.
The furniture was old and tattered, and everything very dirty, but had once been handsome. I was surprised at the condition it was in, as I imagined the mistress of the house to be a lady of fortune from the generosity she had shown towards me, and from her age, I expected such a degree of economy as would prevent so much dirt and rags; I wondered, therefore, what could occasion this appearance, and flattered myself I might be of some use in doing my best to repair the destruction, which seemed less owing to the ravages of time, than to want of care.
A servant not much more cleanly than my chamber, came to ask me what I pleased to choose for supper; I told her anything the family had, I begged I might give no additional trouble; "My mistress," said she, "thought you might be weary, and want to go to bed before their supper time, so ordered me to inquire."
"At what time do they sup then," I asked, "it is quite uncertain," answered the servant, "sometimes it is vastly late but never before eleven."
I had been used to late hours at Lady Markland's, so was not surprised; I thought I had got again into the house of a fine lady, but since that was the case, desired a piece of bread and butter, which would be a sufficient supper for me.
My request was not soon complied with, but as I heard many raps at the door, I easily guessed that the servants were busied by the arrival of so much company, or it had made them forget me, it was near eleven o clock before any one appeared again in my apartment, and then then the same maid brought me part of a fowl, with some punch and wine, telling me that as she had found the company came earlier than common, she thought she had better stay till she could offer me a more comfortable supper, than what I had ordered.
I asked her if they had often much company, to which she answered in the affirmative, and added with an air of pride and satisfaction, she did not believe there was a house in town that had more.
I had observed while I lived as Sir George Markland's, my lady, and many others, piqued themselves on having a great concourse of people at their houses, and that to acquire the more honour, they would often stretch the truth, as to the numbers that had been there the night before, but I was diverted to find this pride descend to a servant, who, by her appearance must be in the very lowest place in the house, and wondered what advantage she could find in her lady's drums being more frequent, or more crowded than other people's.
Being heartily tired, I went to bed as soon as I had supped, but had not been long asleep before I was startled at a variety of noises; some seemed laughing, others scolding, others at romps: I was terrified with the clamour; the first effects of which was jumping out of bed, and bolting the door; and then I could attend to it with a little more composure, but not without a thousand apprehensions, which, though the house grew pretty quiet about four o'clock in the morning, would not suffer me to get any sleep.
I rose early, but found the family were making themselves amends for the time they had stolen from the night, for nobody came into my room till near ten o clock, nor had I courage to go out of it, to see if anyone was up. The same servant whom I had seen the night before, now made her appearance, I asked her if any disaster had happened, which occasioned so much noise at so late an hour? "Nothing particular," she answered: "Is your company always so loud," said I. "Not always," said the girl, "but sometimes still more so." "Indeed!" cried I, "and pray how often may, you have company?" "Oh! every night," answered the girl, "whatever house may be empty ours is always full."
My apprehensions had increased during the whole of this dialogue, and now they were risen to their greatest height, but to remove all doubt; I asked her whether their company consisted mostly of gentlemen, or ladies?
The girl laughed at the foolishness of my question, and told me they had few ladies came there: not but a gentleman might if he pleased bring a lady, and they would be very genteelly accommodated; but they seldom chose it, as all her young ladies were so handsome, it would not be easy to find any equal to them.
I was indeed now past any doubt; uncertainty, however anxious, would have been a blessing to this certainty: I thought I should have fainted, and indeed I believe nothing could have recalled my senses, which were just fled, but the screams of the servant, who was so used to clamour, that she did not think any moderate noise could be sufficiently expressive of fear; and set up her pipes with such violence, at seeing me sink pale and breathless into a chair that stood by me, that she not only called back my departing spirits, but brought two or three of the young ladies, whose beauty she had been boasting of, into my room.
As my colour had not returned with my senses, I still looked more like a corpse, than one alive, the girl was asked the occasion of this disorder, but could give little account of it, she told them the young gentlewoman had been asking her questions but the minute before, and she could not imagine what was the matter. My poor little boy, frighted to see his mama look so pale, ran to me, and by his tender amiable caresses, did more to recover me than all the attention of the young ladies, who held salts to my nose, rubbed my temples, and did all they thought requisite for my relief: but their appearances counteracted their care, by terrifying me more than the other could revive me.
Uncombed their locks, and squalid their attire.
Unlike the trim of love, or gay desire.
[Dryden, The Knight's Tale l. 339-340 ]
The dirty rags in which they were clothed, showed their wretchedness; their faces, which in the evening were to shine with borrowed charms, were now the emblems of decay and sickness, swollen excess, riotous intemperance, and foul misrule were imprinted in each countenance.
I do not believe I could have quite recovered myself while they were in my sight, but fortunately for me they were called to breakfast, from which my indisposition excused me, and I was indulged with a dish of tea in my own room. When I recollect the wretched situation I was unfortunately drawn into, and reflect on the horrors of mind which then surrounded me, I can never enough bless and praise my God, that he gave me strength of mind, sufficient to prevent me from laying violent hands on myself; but it was his good pleasure to preserve me for further trials, and at length, through his mercy, to guide me, by your means, my good lady, to this heavenly place of safety. Adieu my dear Madam, and believe me ever the
Most grateful of your Servants,
M. S.