Magdalen Hospital, 1763.
            IT was, my dear madam, very unfortunate for me, that in the predicament my last letter described my situation at Lady Markland's, I had no friend, no sister to advise with; young and foolish as I was, not to attend to the evil consequences of admitting the freedom of Mr Markland's addresses, whose situation in life, so much elevated above my humble sphere, might have given a person of less consideration than myself, a necessary caution, but Mr Markland was too well acquainted with the human passions, and I too little with the arts of concealment, for him to remain ignorant of the state of my heart; and had he not perceived it, his faithful assistants would have informed him of it, for they would in their discourse, wind me in such a manner that sometimes my blushes, and sometimes my fears explained it, more fully than words could have done; on the knowledge of my weakness Mr Markland built his hopes of success. He often wondered at my resistance, but for ever expected it to fail, I sometimes had nothing but tears to answer to his tenderest professions, I wept for shame at listening to them, and for grief at thinking it necessary to reject them.

            When we were in London, Mr Markland had still more opportunities of seeing me; Sir George and my lady were always abroad, or engaged with company, they seldom inquired after their son, thinking it the duty of polite parents, to suffer him to take his own way, or if they happened to ask any questions, the servants knew what to answer. Thus almost all his time was spent with me, while I was busy in attending my lady at her toilette, he made his necessary visits, that the rest of the day might be his own.

            I confess I was not always desirous of avoiding him, but if I had, I could not easily have contrived it, for every servant was bought to his interest, I desired the housemaid, who had leisure in the afternoons, to come and work with me, thinking thereby either to prevent his coming, or at least to put some restraint on his addresses; but he no sooner entered than she retired, and I found upon questioning her, that every servant had felt his bounty either to procure their secrecy, or their assistance.

            Sensible of my own weakness, and how far everyone was combined for my destruction, I had still virtue enough left to wish that I could find some refuge against myself, but could see none, unless I could attain it of my lady; filled with this thought, I determined to apply to for advice and assistance, acknowledging my own excess of passion, and giving her as little reason as possible to be angry with her son.

            I waited with impatience for a summons to attend my lady at her toilette, and took no small pains to keep up my resolution, which, perhaps, I had never been able to form, had not Mr Markland been obliged that morning to go abroad with his father.

            The time at length came, but to my great disappointment, I was followed in by a country neighbour of her ladyship's, who immediately desired to speak with her alone.

            I was accordingly dismissed, and not recalled till the arrival of more company, upon whose appearance the first lady took her leave, my purpose was equally disappointed, four visitors had taken the place of one.

            One of the ladies observed, that she who was gone away, looked very melancholy: "had you been mistress to the King, or his prime minister added she, I would have thought you had just refused a petition."

            "The most ridiculous woman," said my lady, "surely that ever was born, what do you think is the subject of her affliction?" here her ladyship laughed so violently, that she could not immediately answer their inquiries, though they all expressed great curiosity to know what it was.

            "Would you believe," continued lady Markland, "that all the excess of grief you see painted on the poor woman's countenance, proceeds from having discovered that her son, a young man of about three and twenty, keeps a mistress, and she came to communicate her sorrows to me, hoping that from my friendship she should receive some compassion:" here they all joined in such peals of laughter, as Comus's crew can scarcely equal.

            "And pray," asked one of the ladies, "what consolation did your ladyship give her?" "Consolation!" replied my lady, "I asked the woman if she expected her son to be a Joseph, that no man of spirit was without intrigues, it was a male privilege."

            "Is this the person," said I to myself, "to whom I meant to apply for refuge, against her son's gallantry, and my own passion."

            "A male privilege indeed," answered one of the ladies, "we may see the men not only made laws, but customs, they have carved themselves out pretty lives, they the primrose path of dalliance tread, while they would confine us to the thorny way."

            "Do not be so severe upon them," said another, "you forget that if none of our sex were in that path, it would not appear so flowery; they cannot exclude us."

            "That," interrupted my lady, "is an advantage to women of an inferior rank, but people of fashion cannot well make use of it. If Spenser's Sir Calidore had been a real character, and the Blotant Beast Slander in fact killed, the case might have been different."

            "If it is not killed," interrupted another lady, "it has barked so long, that nobody regards it, for really women now are under almost as few restraints as the men; but pray what is the woman this very unfortunate lady's son has pitched upon, perhaps somebody very expensive, and that may have its inconveniences."

            "No," replied Lady Markland, "the young man has been humble enough, he has contented himself with one of mama's maids." Here again the ladies were highly entertained, but one of them observed, that she thought the lowness of his taste might be mortifying to an affectionate parent, there was a want of spirit and proper pride in it.

            In this manner the conversation continued, till the arrival of two gentlemen, my office being ended, I withdrew,

            I heard with surprise so many women of character, who were so much my superiors in age and experience, and consequently I thought in wisdom, treat that as a privilege, which I had looked upon as the greatest misfortune that could befall me, and against which I wanted a defence, that I might better rely upon than my own resolution. What Mr Markland had said to me upon that subject, had less power over my judgment, than my affection gave him over my heart. His arguments came from a suspected quarter, his interest was visible, and therefore they had less weight, but when ladies, who had no such inducements, confirmed his doctrine, how could I avoid suspecting myself, of those ill-grounded prejudices of which he had so often accused me. My heart took advantage of this opportunity, and with the assistance of such strong authorities, silenced my reason and my principles.

            Full of these thoughts I returned to my chamber, where I found Mr Markland waiting for me, he received me with a transport beyond what so short a separation could make me expect. The joy so visible in his countenance, communicated itself to my heart, and I, who two hours before wanted to find a means of avoiding him for ever, was charmed at seeing him again. He told me, that; no longer able to live without me, he had left his father at a chocolate house, and returned home with the utmost impatience. Fatal impatience!

            We had now been in London above four months, I had continued corresponding with my sister, though not daring to communicate the thoughts that were uppermost in my mind, my style grew so constrained, and my letters so short, that she took notice of it, and more grieved than offended, expressed fears for my health, attributing to some defect in that the alteration in my manner, for it wore the appearance of melancholy, but if shame for the weakness I felt in my heart made writing to her so difficult to me, it is not strange, if when guilt took its place, I was no longer able to write at all: I feared her advice, which was now the severest reproach to me, looked on myself as unworthy to address her, so much did I reverence a conduct which I had not been able to imitate. From this time my correspondence ceased, as it had slackened so much before, she did not immediately observe it, but when a letter of hers had remained above a month unanswered, I received another from her, filled with the kindest anxiety, and most alarming apprehensions.

            They did not appear without foundation, for my health was now impaired, I grew pale and thin, my cheerfulness was changed into tears, and self-reproaches; for the little colour I retained, I was obliged to my blushes, which every eye that gazed on me, raised in my cheeks.

            My lady and Sir George observed the change, and very obligingly inquired into the nature of my complaints, I could by no means answer them with sincerity, but invented such disorders as I thought they could not disapprove. In this situation I continued some time, and it was impossible to describe the anguish of my mind: you my good madam whose sympathetic feelings are called forth on every occasion, will excuse my dwelling longer on a subject, which now gives me pain in the recollection: I therefore beg leave to conclude myself, Madam,
            Your faithful humble servant,
            M.S.

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