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Jane Douglas (1761)

The Covent Garden Calendar - Chapter XX.

Chapter XX.


As well worth reading as the former.

            Colonel D––of the guards, and Captain R––, of a man-of-war, going one evening to the play, happened to pass by Jenny's house, and saw her sitting at the window.

            The captain, who was a good physiognomist, fixed his eyes upon Jenny; and tapping his friend upon the shoulder, exclaimed in the sea-officer's phrase, "D––n my blood, Jack, there's the remains of a good face; she is not very young; but I dare say she'd make as good sport at midnight as Betsey W––g at Wapping."

            "I love an experienced whore, they understand all sorts of attitudes; but these D––ned green-sickness girls from the country, leave a man to do all the business himself. D––n my blood, when a man turns in to one of them, he must sail before the wind, or lay to; for G–d D––n me if any of them know how to bear a hand."

            "Pox take her," says the colonel, "if I don't mistake her, she gave me a good winter's firing."

            Hereupon Jane started up, and said, "I believe, colonel, you are mistaken; for you bought it, and gave five guineas for it. Besides, if it was so, surely it is foul play to kiss and tell."

            "That's right, by G–d," said-the captain. "Old Jenny, we'll come in, and while away the time with you, till the play begins. I like your spirit, by G––." So they were immediately conducted into the back parlour.

            They called for a bottle of Champagne, and the sagacious Jane, who apprehended that the gentlemen might want a relish with their liquor, brought a good country girl.

            "How often," said the colonel, "have you sold this girl's maidenhead?"

            "As G–d's my judge," answered Jenny, "she has never yet been broke up to my knowledge; but whether she was ever run down in the country I cannot say. I would not impose upon your honour for the world. All the gentlemen that frequent our house, allow me to be the fairest dealer in Covent Garden."

            "Well," says the colonel, "upon condition she has her maidenhead, here's ten guineas for you; in case she has not, you must return me nine."

            "Agreed," said Jenny; and immediately ordered clean sheets to be put upon the bed.

            So old Jenny went to show the colonel his apartment, and he being a gallant man, as most of the gentleman of the army are, said to her, "Why do they call you mother? You don't seem to be old enough for that; by G–d I'll make use of you instead of her."

            So he slipt a guinea into her hand, threw her upon the bed, and Jane exerted herself so well, that the colonel thought himself no loser by the change.

            He bid her keep the ten guineas, and Jane, who would have been satisfied with the recreation even without being paid, for an old coachman loves a crack of the whip, very prudently took the money and politely said to the colonel, "Well sir, if you had not young meat, at least it was wholesome."

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