Jane Douglas (1761)
Young gentlemen from Oxford in their excursions to town, seldom failed to call at old Jenny's; and she, at her first setting up, had more customers amongst the sons of Alma Mater, than any other of the sage dames in the precincts of Covent Garden.
Being highly delighted with the night scenes and amusing transactions they constantly reported them upon their return to Oxford, and seldom without some exaggeration, though indeed there was but little occasion for it, as Jenny's house afforded as much matter of observation to those who delighted in scenes of vice, as that of the most illustrious matron that ever undertook the arduous task of of gratifying the public call for pleasure, in order to cram her own avarice.
A young preacher, whose name we shall suppress, on account of the great respect which we have for his sacred funtion, being but just entered into holy orders, had not entirely got the better of those desires, which divines of a longer standing are, doubtless, delivered from by the powerful influence of grace. So his imagination being warmed by the representation of his college acquaintances, he resolved to partake of the same pleasure, and accordingly set out for London.
Here a fair opportunity occurs to make frailty of the flesh, &c. But as we apprehend that the province of a historian is to relate facts, rather than amuse his readers with declamations, we shall proceed with our narrative.
The young theologian having without much inquiry, found out the well-known house of Mother D––s, and was by her very graciously received. For old Jane was well pleased to have dealings with ecclesiastics, and has often been heard to say, That she has sometimes made more by the clergy in a month than by the officers of the army and navy in a twelvemonth.
Jennny taking it for granted that her canonical visitor would prove a good customer, brought him her youngest girls, caused music to be sent for, a supper to be provided, and did her utmost to enflame the concupiscence of the young Dr., though the care was almost unnecessary; as her new guest, though he served at the altar, leaned greatly to the flesh, and had perhaps stronger desires than those town rakes, who by constantly leading a life of debauchery, at last lose the rein even of that, and often frequent brothels merely because it is the fashion.
The doctor was so well pleased with his dear mother and spouse, that he protracted his visit, for three days, and three nights. But the last night they made him drunk, with burnt Champagne; for the which the conscientious Jane charged only twelve shillings a a bottle.
The parson being quite overpowered with liquor, was put to bed with his spouse.
This is a circumstance which we would gladly have suppressed did not our regard to historical truth oblige us to relate it.
But much may be said to extenuate this frailty of the young divine. If the patriarchs, Lot and Noah, could not resist the juice of the grape, we should not be surprised that a clergyman, was once in his life overtaken.
The doctor in the morning got up, and whether he was cloyed with love, or felt some remorse of conscience, at having behaved in a manner so inconsistent with the dignity of his character, or whether he began to find cash short, he, resolved that morning to take his leave. It seems probable. that his sudden resolution, was owing to the motive assigned last: for when gentlemen of Oxford come to town upon a frolic, the air of Covent Garden, has such an effect upon them, which is by the vulgar called the hollows; the other we shall not name, through a regard to the laws of decency.
To return from this digression. The doctor having ordered his bill to be brought, the old bawd was a little chagrined, and taking it for granted, that she should not have much much of his custom, resolved to make the most of him for the time. So as she was never at a loss for expedients, she the same morning, accosted him in these terms.
"Good morrow doctor, you was pure merry last night" (scratching his shoulder).
"I believe I was, Mother" answered, the doctor.
"O lord," replied Jane, you was very naughty. Now do you. know all the mischief you, did; to be sure people may be merry; but I wish they could be merry and wise."
The doctor being little startled at this exordium told her, he hoped he had done no harm.
"No harm," said Jane, "you gentlemen think nothing of these things, but if such accidents were to happen every day, I should soon be obliged to shut up house. Come with me and I'll show you:" so she took him into a room, and showed him a large pier-glass which had been broken some years before: "only look here," said she, "is not this a fine piece of work."
The doctor could not be positive that he had not broken the glass, as he could scarce recollect a circumstance of what had passed the night before; and so the old beldame insisted upon being paid for it, though it had perhaps, been paid for twenty times before upon the like occasions.
The poor doctor expostulated, but Jane, who could assume a face of authority when requisite, swore he should pay for it before he stirred out of the house. All the whores having obvious reasons to side with their mistress, swore positively that he had broke the glass, so the poor doctor being apprehensive of public disgrace, and having his gown stripped over his shoulders, was obliged to send for money to his friends at Oxford in order to procure his releasement.