Ex-Classics Home Page

The Night-Walker by John Dunton (1696)

The Covent Garden Calendar - Letter II.

Letter II.


            Sir,
            I doubt not but you received mine of the 27th past. I now send you the further account of our libertinism, that by exposing those monstrous principles and practices to public view, it may be a warning for others to avoid such things, as they would avoid horror of conscience here, and damnation hereafter.

            We were accustomed particularly to solemnize the anniversary of our births, or according to our dialect, to revel on that day when we first stepped out of the womb of our indulgent mothers the most curious workhouse of nature into this world of jollity. To those treats we used to invite one another, emptied our purses, and ransacked all the elements for niceties and dainties to pamper our bodies, and then we drunk health by hundreds, to this and t'other kind she, and obliging punk, whom we called our living friends; and now and then we would swallow down a bumper in remembrance of those that stepped out of life, we knew not whether; and the conclusion of that debauch used to be with a bowl of punch, which we commonly called a treat able to make the very gods to leave their glittering seats on high, and revel with mortals, a liquid which was able to infuse new life into men half dead, and such as no living mortal would refuse to soak his soul and lay his cares asleep in; then when we had drunk away our reason, and that extravagant notions began to float within the regions of our brain, we would not have it said that we were in drink because that levelled us with common men but that we were in a trance or ecstasy; and then it was well if we had so much sense left as to appoint the next meeting.

            When we came together again, what protestations would we make of our having longed for the happy hour, that we knew not how to get the drug of time off our hands, that we hated to study and to be turning o'er dull musty authors, which was a drudgery for school boys, priests and lawyers, and such whose studies purchased them bread, that we knew how to spend our time better than so; and blessed our stars that we abhorred thinking the most of anything, and had not read any book for many years, unless it were a lampoon, a song, a play, or a novel, then we would allege that we knew not how to spend such and such a fair afternoon, for if we should go to the park, we could find nothing there that was beautiful or tempting, because the ladies did abhor such a place, which was now become a rendezvous for footmen and cook-maids; or at best of low-prized cracks and cullies: that the inns of court walks were pestered with the same sort of vermin, and therefore we knew not where to divert ourselves so well as in the play-house, where we would appear as first-rate beaus, dazzle the eyes of the ladies with our rigging, and raise the envy of the dressing sparks: then we used to betake ourselves to the corners of the pit, choose our seat by some well dressed visor-mask, make our intrigues with them, and –.

            Then we gave an account of our adventures, some would tell how they were imposed upon, and perhaps poxed by a jilt, and what it had cost him to the doctor and surgeon for his cure; t'other would say that notwithstanding the trick had been put upon him by the fair sex, he could as well forbear to live as to be without them, those luscious creatures, whom the heavenly powers had created for man's delight, without which his life would be a burden. Then everyone would give a description of his nymph, commending the humour of one, the dress and wit of another; and how the eye, the mouth, the complexion, and the carriage of such a one had charmed him. Others would swear that there was no woman but had charms enough for them if they were not grown in years; that they hated to be a woman's slave; that they could love strongly for an hour or perhaps for a day if the fit took them; but that none of the fair sex had ever extended their reign over them for a month's time, that they would keep their hearts open to every new face, and revel in their dearly beloved variety.

            Then some of the topping wits of the society would read us such a lecture as this following, that from his soul he pitied those poor slaves, who were doomed to the drudgery of a wife; and when they might be free, were by pious knaves sentenced to confinement till death them depart; that he was amazed how that cheat was imposed upon man at first; that he should swear to bound all his desires in one woman, and vow to maintain love for ever, when the flame expired perhaps the first month: a bondage more intolerable than that of Egypt. Increase and multiply was the first blessing that heaven bestowed upon the earth, that no bounds were then set to that command, but our forefathers multiplied their kind on whom they pleased, and did not confine themselves to one female; their appetites moved by the dictates of nature, and whom they liked they loved. The iron age gave birth to marriage, that cursed noose, and antidote to love. For my part, though my mistress were as beautiful as an angel, and knew no end of her estate; though those would be strong charms on slavish souls, by heavens I would resign the gilded babe before I would join hands in holy rites, though 'tis true I should be willing to enjoy her, might I have my freedom and not be confined to her. But my brains are turned at the very thoughts of marriage, which contains a thousand mischiefs for one good, and is only fit for plodding sots, who because they were got in wedlock themselves will therefore follow in the same dull trot, or for such tame fools, who are every day blessed with gilded or ungilded horns: but give me a mistress of my own choosing every time I have a mind to it, one who is wanton, careless, young and gay; and divine liquor, whose atoms dance and shine in the glass, such as the gods drink when they would discourse of their intrigues and high amours, to recruit the spirits which I have lost in the amorous combat, for sure I am that no mortal can be blessed with greater pleasures than those who have wine and women to supply the cravings of their appetite by turns, and therefore have good reason to laugh at all those pious fools who, being cheated by priestcraft, lead their lives according to the rules of the pulpit.

            Thus sir, I have given you a brief idea of that libertinism whereof I myself was guilty, and which reigns so much at present amongst the younger gentry of the nation, and especially at the inns of court, where some of those they call wits debauch the rest, first by shaking the principles of the Christian religion, and exalting their own reason above revelation, or by infusing into them the notions of the socinians and deists, and that being once effected, it's but advancing one step more to become a libertine or a practical atheist. My next shall give you an account how I came to be disengaged from that cursed society. In the meantime, farewell.

            Nov. 1. 1696.

Prev Next

Back to Introduction