If you want a cat, go out early in the morning. Scrutinize all the ash cans. Don't select the first cat you see. Take time, walk slowly. Keep your eyes open. When you see a cat you just adore, stand still. Speak softly. "Nice Kitty, puss puss." Then when the cat comes to you, reach down, grab the cat gently, oh so gently. Fold the cat to your heart. Walk slowly. Meanwhile, breathe forth soft endearing words to the feline. Walk slowly home, a home to be shared with the feline. How wonderful! Give the cat a saucer of cream. Repeat the donation of cream at frequent intervals. The more frequent the better. The cat will love you, the cat will remain with you. You will soon realize the big difference, between a house with a cat and a house without a cat. I once knew a man who had a friend in Brooklyn who had a cousin who could play the flute. He loved cats. He fed cats. He fed cats all they could stuff. It is impossible to give a cat too much milk. The richer the better. It is always well to feed the cat from a full bottle and always select a bottle that has stood on a shelf for some time. The cream will be all collected near the top. Lift the bottle carefully, oh so carefully! Then the cream won't be disturbed. Lift the cap from the top of the bottle. Then pour out the milk quickly into the saucer. Give it to the cat. The cat will be pleased. Do this for a few weeks and there will be a marked improvement in the cat. It will be fatter. Its fur will be thicker. Its eyes brighter. It's not the cat's fault that it is not an Archbishop. I love cats.

                                    RICHARD GRIFFIN.

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