AUNT JANE with a dash
Just worshipping cash
            Looks carefully after her bubble.
She says she will sell
Me out. I'm in Hell,
            Aunt Jane is one horrible trouble.
I owe her a bill
It's a terrible pill,
            I don't feel one dandy bit funny.
With impudent cheek
She gave me one week
            To pay her the big pile of money.

We'll strangle Aunt Jane near the stable
We'll strangle Aunt Jane near the stable.
            As well as we're able
            We'll get out the cable
We'll strangle Aunt Jane near the stable.

With a Hinkety kinkety toodle,
With a hinkety kinkety toodle,
            With a hinkety kinkety
            Blinkety flinkety
Hinkety kinkety toodle.

I've just got a note
I know it by rote
            Dear Auntie is troubled with demons.
She's off on a spree
My cry soon will be
            She's got the delirium tremens.
I'll pay her, like Hell!
I'll make that bill smell
            Not far from the banks of the Liffy.
I'll fix her, by heck!
With a rope round her neck
            We'll swing her aloft in a jiffy.

We'll strangle Aunt Jane near the stable
We'll strangle Aunt Jane near the stable.
As well as we're able
We'll get out the cable.
We'll strangle Aunt Jane near the stable.

With a Hinkety kinkety toodle,
With a hinkety kinkety toodle,
            With a hinkety kinkety
            Blinkety flinkety
Hinkety kinkety toodle.

The lamplighter's light
Is ignited so bright
            The lamplighter works like a flunkey
My foxy Aunt looked
Like a partly uncooked
            Sick antediluvian monkey.
She's such a mean beast,
We all held a feast
            We strung my Aunt Jane with a razzle.
And then—I'll be durned,
The frankfurters burned.
The lobsters were cooked to a frazzle.

We strangled Aunt Jane near the stable.
We forced her to stand on a table,
            With her neck in a cable
            Now this is no fable.
We strangled Aunt Jane near the stable.

With a Hinkety kinkety toodle,
With a hinkety kinkety toodle,
            With a hinkety kinkety
Blinkety flinkety
Hinkety kinkety toodle.

ENVOY

It's time for my nap,
I'll pull down my cap,
            I'll close both my eyes with a flutter.
I'm weak as a mouse
Or a flexible louse
            Without any salt in my butter.
I think of queer things
Whilst mysterious rings
            Go whirling about with a splutter.
Six devils all red
Dance jigs through my head
As I peacefully sleep in the gutter.

As I peacefully sleep in the gutter
My heart gives a jump, then a flutter.
            I dream of meat cake
            Made of poisonous snake,
As I peacefully sleep in the gutter.

With a Hinkety kinkety toodle,
With a hinkety kinkety toodle,
            With a hinkety kinkety
            Blinkety flinkety
Hinkety kinkety toodle.

NOTE—The last verse of above poem is in conformity with my general rule of having one verse in every piece on an entirely different subject from the rest of the poem.—THE AUTHOR.

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